


Two For The Price Of One

by MittenWraith



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Chuck Ships It, Crack, Fluff and Humor, God Ships It, Love Confessions, Lucifer Needs a Hug, M/M, Sam Ships It, Well Sort of..., episode s11e21 coda, oh my god there was already a tag for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:18:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MittenWraith/pseuds/MittenWraith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new prophet's been sent safely home, but currently God and Lucifer (and by Lucifer, Dean means Cas) are sitting alone in a room together. That can't possibly end well. Dean's just got one small favor to ask before things escalate to smiting...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two For The Price Of One

**Author's Note:**

> Season 11, episode 21 coda fic, in which [Lizbob](http://www.elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com) asked for Dean doing the awkward ask the parent for permission to date thing with Chuck for Cas. So I made it an episode coda, which meant it was gonna entail about 99% crack and sitcom levels of weirdness.

“So what’s next on the agenda?" Dean asks, jogging down the steps to the war room.

It’s currently living up to its name, with Lucifer and Chuck sitting at opposite ends glaring at each other in stony silence. Sam takes the stairs more cautiously. He’d been relieved to get out of the bunker and away from both of them, but with Donatello safely on his way home and bigger fish to fry, he and Dean could only stay out of their way for so long. He’d been hoping they’d have their shit sorted by the time they got back, but he should’ve known better. They’ve got, what, at least a few billion years worth of shit to sort.

Sam’s still lingering on the stairs when Dean eagerly pulls out a chair halfway between Chuck and Lucifer. He’d warned Dean while they were walking back up the driveway to the bunker that Cas still might not want to kick Lucifer out, and that he should prepare himself for that possibility.

“Fuck, Sammy,” Dean had said, picking up his pace like he was suddenly that much more eager to get back. “Cas did everything he could. He brought Luci to the table. Literally.” Dean rolls his eyes at the reminder that they left God and the Devil having a staring contest across what functionally amounts to their living room, and hey, maybe that was a pretty fucking terrible idea.

“So maybe we should respect his decision, Dean.  If we can convince them to work together, we might have a chance against Amara.”

Dean stops in his tracks and Sam nearly runs into him.

“He’s God, Sammy.”

“Yeah, and?”

“He's fixed up Cas with a replacement body at least once.”

It takes Sam a minute, but when he realizes where Dean’s going with this, his eyes practically bug out. “You’re gonna ask God to make a another new meatsuit for Cas?”  
“What?” Dean yells, outraged. “No! He can make a new meatsuit for _Lucifer_. Let Cas just be Cas again.”

“Oh. Right.” And that’s when Sam finally gets it. He knows Dean’s been missing Cas, but even given the chance to custom order a new vessel for his favorite angel, he wouldn’t change the details at all.

Dean takes off at a run now that he has an action plan, and Sam struggles to keep up with him until they reach the door. The few seconds it takes Dean to get the heavy door unlocked gives Sam a chance to catch up. Someone should be there to make sure Dean doesn’t shove not just his foot but his whole leg into his mouth begging God for such a big favor.

Neither Chuck nor Lucifer has so much as blinked since Dean sat down, so Sam cautiously approaches the table, edges his way around it, and takes the seat across from Dean.

“Guys, hey,” Dean waves a hand over the center of the table trying to catch their attention and interrupt their glare-off. “Do we have a plan, or are we just gonna stare at each other until the world ends?”

Chuck finally blinks, and then glances up at Dean. “You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been visiting with Castiel.”

That gets Dean’s attention right way. “Cas? How’s he doing?”

Chuck just shakes his head sadly, his brow pinching together. “He was despondent at first. Then he realized who I am, and… well, let’s just say he had quite a few things to say to me.”

Dean snorts, and Sam frowns. “Yeah, he spent a year looking for you, and you were hanging out right under his nose the whole damn time. Dick move.”

Chuck just shrugs. “He said his piece. I apologized to him. He forgave me.”

“So that’s it?” Dean asks, incredulous on his friend’s behalf. “Do you have any idea what he’s been through because of your other unruly kids? Cas was the only one of them who stuck it out and tried to stand up for the rest of your creation, and that’s the best you can do for him?”

“Dean,” Sam tries to calm his brother down. Yelling at God when you’re about to ask for his help is a pretty stupid move.

Dean glares at him, but he backs down a little. He casts one sad glance over at Cas… or Lucifer… and then grits his teeth.

“Does that mean we’re stuck with Luci in the driver’s seat here?” Dean hooks a thumb over his shoulder at Cas… or Lucifer… and stares at Chuck. “Because I gotta tell ya, he had his shot with Amara and that went peachy.”

“It was impulsive, I admit,” Chuck says, at the same time Lucifer spits out, “You summoned me there. It’s your fault she was able to capture me in the first place. If I’d been ready…”

Chuck cuts him off, “Shut up, Lucifer.”

He shuts up, but he still doesn’t look happy about it.

Sam finally brings the conversation back on track. “Do you need Lucifer’s help to take Amara down?”

Chuck shrugs. “He certainly wouldn’t be my first choice, but he’ll have to do in a pinch.”

“Well, then, since you’re God and all,” Dean starts, completely ignoring Lucifer's grumbled remarks to Chuck's words, then casts a hopeful glance at Sam before continuing on. “Do you think maybe you can mojo up a new suit for him to wear?”

“Is something wrong with the trench coat?” Chuck asks. “I thought you had a thing for the coat, but maybe that was just the old one. This new one is kinda plain. Maybe something in black?”

“Not that kinda suit,” Dean says, now visibly reining himself in.

“Oh!” Chuck points one finger toward Lucifer, and there’s a blinding flash of light. "Right, one copy/paste coming right up."

Sam and Dean blink away the lingering spots of light behind their eyes and now there’s two Castiels standing at the end of the table. Dean’s mouth drops open and he’s on his feet so fast that his chair tips over and clatters halfway across the floor. He practically runs around the first Castiel nearly knocking him over in his grab for the second Castiel, who he succeeds in knocking over as he tackles the angel to the floor in a tearful hug.

Dean’s mumbling the entire time, so low that Sam can barely hear him, but from the shocked look on Cas’s face… or Lucifer’s face he supposes, he’s also picking up every word.

“Holy shit, Cas. It’s so fucking good to see you again. I missed you so much. Please don’t ever leave me again. I was worried sick that she’d hurt you and I wouldn’t be able to stop her, but you’re here now and you’re okay, so just never leave again, okay?”

“Finally,” Chuck mutters under his breath, loud enough for only Sam to hear. Louder, he adds, “See, Castiel? I told you so.”

“What did you tell him?” Sam asks, tearing his eyes away from the spectacle of a flailing angel practically being smothered by his brother.

“That Dean would finally get off his ass and say it out loud. I mean, the _longing_ was just un-freaking-bearable.” Chuck looks up at Lucifer in astonishment. “I mean, you were in the direct line of fire. I was only picking up the overflow. How did you even stand it?”

“It wasn’t easy,” Lucifer says, taking a couple of side steps away from the unseemly reunion taking place at his feet. “Listening to Mikey whine for the last few thousand years was good training.”

Dean eventually gets to his feet and then pulls Cas up. They’re both a little rumpled, but Dean straightens Cas’s tie and smooths out the front of his coat. It’s only then that he remembers they’re not alone in the room, and he stiffens. Sam, Chuck, and Lucifer are all staring at him.

“What?” Dean asks, ready to go on the defensive.

“Is there something I should know?” Chuck asks, face impassive.

“Um… uh…” Dean suddenly looks panicked, and takes one step closer to Cas while shooting an apologetic glance at Sam.

“Don’t you already know everything?” Sam asks, doing what he can to take the heat off Dean while he has a chance to regroup. Finally Sam's boundless enthusiasm for all things God might actually work in his favor for once. “That whole omniscient thing? How does that work?”

“Ugh,” Chuck replies, resting his forehead in one hand. “You would not believe the headaches. You know how many people are just _thinking things_ at any given time? It’s like having seven billion people yelling at you. Constantly. I don’t recommend it.”

“But you don’t have to ask to just know stuff, right?” Sam persists.

“Not when it’s this obvious,” Chuck replies, pointing at Dean and Cas. “But I’m a traditional kind of guy, and I believe the tradition is to ask the parent’s permission.”

“Permission for what?” Cas asks, and a visible shiver runs through Dean.

Dean just turns and grins at Cas for a second, smiling like a dope at the confused frown on Cas’s face.

Chuck's mouth just drops open for one horrified second. “Oh no, I’m not gonna have to give you the birds and bees talk, am I?”

Chuck is on the verge of freaking out, and Sam’s just waiting to see where this goes. The last few times Dean’s tried to give Cas that talk resulted in some uncomfortable moments. Much to everyone's relief, Cas looks like he gets it this time, and his eyes widen as he turns from Chuck to Dean.

“No, I think I’m clear on that.”

“Oh, good. Then you have my blessing.”

“What?” Dean asks.

Cas leans in and mutters in Dean’s ear. “I’ll explain it to you later.”

“No… not _that_.” Dean stutters out, and then notices Chuck’s smiling a little bit. It’s kinda creepy when God gives you that knowing little grin. It’s even creepier when Sam realizes he’s got the same look on his face, and Dean's staring at him like he’s trying to figure out just how long he's known what Dean wanted, and is shocked that Sam seems just as pleased at this strange turn of events as Chuck.

“Well… fine. If that’s settled, I need a beer. Then we can figure out what the fuck we’re doing about Amara.”

***

Dean stomps off, leaving the rest of them to get things situated for their big meeting. Or to gossip about him. He doesn’t even care, as long as he doesn’t have to endure their barely contained glee. He lingers in the kitchen chugging down one beer before grabbing a second to take back to the war room with him.

He arrives to find everyone else has played musical chairs. Cas and Lucifer are now seated on opposite sides of the table, with Sam facing Chuck at the opposite ends. Dean just rolls his eyes at them and sits down next to Cas, gripping his shoulder as he lowers himself into the chair.

Lucifer raises one eyebrow at Sam, who rolls his eyes and gets out his wallet. He slides one dollar across the table toward the angel. Dean catches the motion and glares.

“What the fuck, Sammy?”

“He bet me a dollar you could tell them apart, and I laughed at him.”

Dean's incredulous. “You mean you _can’t_ tell them apart?”

“Dean, they’re identical,” Sam says, waving a hand between them.

Chuck’s reclining in his chair, feet up on the table, watching the weirdness unfold.

Dean shoots a helpless glance at Cas, who’s also smiling now, and then looks at Lucifer. “They look nothing alike, Sam. You need glasses or something?”

“Fine,” Sam says, giving up. “I’ll just make them name tags or something. Can we just get back to killing the Darkness now, please?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dean says, and Cas reaches out a hand to rest atop Dean’s.

***

*Chuck and Amara are both sucked into the Empty about four hours later, by mutual accord. Lucifer’s only complaint is that he’s forever stuck looking like Cas now.  

So Lucifer starts showing up in weirder and weirder outfits. One day after a few weeks of everyone and their uncle mistaking him for Cas, he dyes his hair pink. Two days later he shows up dressed like George Washington. Sam still calls him Cas. After working his way through about three dozen different and increasingly bizarre looks, he pops by dressed as Carmen Miranda, complete with the fruit salad hat. Dean figured out _weeks_ ago that Sam’s just messing with Lucifer, but he doesn’t say anything. He and Cas are having too much fun trying to guess what Lucifer will wear next.

Meanwhile, Cas mostly wears Dean’s clothes now. He saves the trench coat for special occasions.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, come find me on tumblr. I'm [mittensmorgul](http://www.mittensmorgul.tumblr.com). I swear, I'm not always this wacky. Well, most of the time, but I have limits. I just couldn't resist Sam's petty revenge against Lucifer. So, there you go.


End file.
